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Talk the Talk

a blog about communications and life

Have Yourself a Merry Bit of Networking....

So, you're running through your days in December trying to get everything done for a very big, looming deadline, know as The Holidays. In between all the decorating, baking, shopping, etc, (oh, and trying to make progeress on that Must-Do list at the office as well), you're expected to actually be able to focus and enjoy a few social events this season!

Who has the time???

Well, maybe you're like me and have decided to save the hosting of a larger social gathering for a less stressful, busbusy time. But you still need to go to some to these, because. . . well, it's expected! So, here are some tips for getting the most out of those quasi-social/work-related, sometimes challenging "festivities" known as Holiday Parties:

  • Use social gatherings as networking opportunities. Have a good answer for the inevitable "What is it you do, again?" question: one or two sentences that succinctly convey what it is you do, and what excites you about it. Go ahead- prepare! You can think about these sentences while you're waiting for the cookies to come out of the oven or wrapping a present. Then practice in front of your cat, or in the shower. Try to "know" them so they sound natural, conversational, and not at all like you are giving a sales pitch or elevator speech. If you do a good job of this, your conversation partner (and it is imperative you think of him/her this way--not as listener or audience!) will ask some questions which you will answer. Then it's your turn to ask. Et voilà - before you know it, you are in a conversation! And a connection has been made.
  • Be sure to right-size your message. Make the most of your once-a-year opportunity to talk to that elusive prospective client, the colleague you would like to partner with, the manager you want to impress. Everyone is in a rush this season, so don't feel you have to tell everything all at once. When conveying information verbally you need to be sure to give only as much as your conversation partner can digest. If you hit your main points, slowly and clearly, you will have a much better chance of being understood, and invited back for a follow-up conversation in 2012.
  • Try to relax. We all appreciate the person in the room who radiates calm and a sense of well-being, especially at this frazzled time of year. If you can stay centered, breathe and focus, you can be the one in the room everyone seeks out. A gift to them -- and to you!


Tips for the Season, Part One

At this busy time of year, we can all use some help! If you are going to be making any speeches, toasts, or having "important" conversations, here are a couple of handy tips for you that I cheerfully pass on in the spirit of the season: 
  • Stand up straight. Your mother was right! Good posture not only makes you look better, it helps you sound better. You can convey your message more effectively if you are using your voice efficiently. Think of your voice as the water in a garden hose. It flows best through an unkinked, untangled channel.
  • Don't forget to breathe. Remember analogies? breath:voice :: gas:engine. Without proper breath support, your voice can quickly tire or sound exhausted. As you get busier and busier with all your seasonal shopping, baking, partying, and caroling, remember:  just because you feel stressed doesn't mean you have to sound stressed! Take time for a deep breath of winter smells and scents for instant reinvigoration.


Pink and Blue? What's Up With That?

Last week I attended a very interesting author's talk given by Rosalind Barnett, a senior researcher at the Brandeis University Women’s Studies Research Center, co-author (with journalist Caryl Rivers) of a new book, The Truth about Girls and Boys: Challenging Toxic Stereotypes About Our Children (

As someone who regularly works with clients on issues of leadership communications, it was heartening to hear Dr. Barnett's conclusions. Her book explores solid science by respected reasearchers. It points to larger variations in natural skills and abilities within each gender group than between them. Boys are no more naturally inclined, as a group, to actively take charge and become leader than girls are (which is pretty obvious to anyone who has observed a group of preschoolers!) The pseudo-science that posits men and women are from different planets, or have evolved as quasi-separate species, has long rankled me. And yet this "conventional wisdom" persists! As the mother of a daughter and a son, I have observed that such understanding can do great damage to our children growing up, as they are pushed into socially acceptable roles by well-meaning teachers, parents, neighbors. Little girls are told to "sit still and be quiet," and work on fine motor skills. Boys are urged to run around, play with toys that move, and never, ever touch dolls. Dr. Barnett told us that girls have as much testosterone - sometime more - than boys, until puberty, so why should they have a "built-in" inclination from the start to be demure? To be more empathetic, more "relational" - all those things we are told come "naturally" to females? And Dr. Barnett reminds us that the brain is incredibly plastic, so that the concept of being "hard-wired" for certain behaviors is also so much "received wisdom" that doesn't stand up to science.

I could go on about this subject - indeed, ask friends and family, who will tell you I have! But, even when people are socialized over time to adhere to these strict gender roles and internalize them, science says they are not inevitable or immutable. So I say, we should strive to be ourselves, to be our best selves, and not be derailed by the noise of what we "should" be. Especially if we want to realize our full potential as leaders, we frst need to clear out that clutter to see who we are.

It takes lots of energy to fight against this and many other, falsely-perceived "truths" that shape how we function day to day. As Virginia Woolf wrote in August, 1940, "Mental fight means thinking against the current, not with it. That current flows fast and furious. It issues in a spate of word from the loudspeakers and the politicians. . . . it is our business to puncture gas-bags and discover seeds of truth." I plan to keep looking for those seeds.


Giving Thanks

Writing a blog post the afternoon before Thanksgiving may seem to be an exercise in futility. Who will take the time to read it?  I decided, therefore, to skip it and make this a one-blog week instead of two. And yet. . . I have something to write about that may not be read, but that I feel compelled to communicate, nonetheless.

I want to offer a prayer of thanksgiving for all the friends I have around the world, and the connections and contacts I have who are friends-in-the-making.

Professionally, I depend a lot on friends. So, I give thanks for the friends who remembered the odd professional niche I fill and called me when "something came up." Thanks for the clients who referred me to their colleagues who needed me. Thanks for those I network with on a regular basis who give me support, help me brainstorm, and share their expertise. Thanks for my students who always manage to teach me a thing or two.

Thanks of course to my wonderful family and long-time friends who have been with me on this journey we call life, who have shared the ups and downs of my acting career and Communications Conditioning practice. And my husband and kids all deserve more thanks than I can possibly give them for living through hours of conversations about the subjects of the plays I have written. They know obscure facts about the founding of Jamestown and the life of John Calvin that serve only as proof of the powerful bond that hold us together. 

I am truly blessed with such rich relationships. I give thanks.


Catch your breath

It's mid-afternoon on a Friday in November.
I am about to go do some pre-Thanksgiving reconnaissance for a fresh turkey.
Tomorrow, I will do a workshop on effective presentation skills for dynamic speaking to a roomful of emergent leaders.
The clock is ticking; I am starting to feel a teensy bit tense!
I tell myself what I tell my clients:

Just breathe! Just do it. Deeply and often. Take a "breathing break" during that mid-afternoon slump to re-energize.

And it works!

As we embark on the winter holiday season, filled with so many good smells, notice how often you stop and take a deep breath. Not for the sake of getting breath into your body, but because you are surrounded by incredible smells. We inhale deeply, to experience the aromas of turkey and pie, cinnamon, pine boughs, cookies in the oven. This deep breathing consequently relaxes us. It keeps us saner, more on track, and less stressed than we would otherwise be during what can be a pretty frenetic time.

So -- take a deep breath. Take another. Ahh!