Breath-taking spring

Here’s a cool bit of brain science news: MIT researchers have found “a brain circuit that drives vocalization and ensures that you talk only when you breathe out, and stop talking when you breathe in.” Using mice, scientists have located where and how these essential functions are controlled.  And, they note, that while speaking is important, the need to breathe overrides it. Lead author Fan Wang, an MIT professor of brain and cognitive sciences, says “Breathing is a survival need. Even though these neurons are sufficient to elicit vocalization, they are under the control of breathing. . .”

Breathing is a survival need. As I say to my clients, if you’re not breathing, you’re not living. Quite literally! Breathing is fundamental to life (I realize again, as I sniffle my way through springtime allergies).

Breathing is also the best way to deal with “nerves,” relieve stress, and center yourself so you can communicate with authentic presence. If you’ve worked with me, you probably know I have no magic wand to turn you into a better speaker. But if I did, It would be learning how to harness the power of your breath. Doing a cursory search of my blog, even I was surprised how often “breathing” as a topic came up.

It is obvious to me that working on your breathing is a handy way to quell “pre-performance anxiety.” But to some of my clients, that seems too simple. So I need to pull out backup from respected outlets.This has always been a favorite, from Harvard Business Review: researchers found that workshop participants who learned deep breathing methods and “underwent a stress task that simulated a high-pressure performance situation, akin to presenting at a business meeting [italics mine] . .  .held steady in terms of breathing and heart rate, suggesting the [breathing] program had instilled in them a buffer against the anxiety typically associated with anticipating a stressful situation. This meant that they were not only in a more positive emotional state, but also that they were more able to think clearly and effectively perform the task at hand.”

Deep breathing helps you meet life’s challenges. And as I go through another box of tissues, I try to take as many deep breaths as I can. Pollen season is short, but breath is forever!

Fresh as a spring breeze

The season of spring always inspires me. I love seeing nature wake up and come alive again after the cold and dark of winter. In my garden pots, bulbs are sprouting and buried shoots reach toward the sun. My Boston fern has been rescued from its indoor sojourn and is happily regaining its strength on my back deck. This time of year I really do miss putting my hands in a garden bed, but NYC offers many other ways to fill my soul.

Earlier in the month (on a cold, rainy winter evening) I was lucky enough to see the Carnegie Hall debut of Tony Siqi Yun, a gifted pianist who played Rachmaninoff’s Piano Concerto No, 2 with the Orchestre Métropolitain de Montréal. It was a truly remarkable performance! This piece is a favorite with concert pianists, yet Yun made it his own in a way that made it feel fresh, new–like it was just happening for the first time. There was an electrifying immediacy to the energy he was sharing with the orchestra. It was one of those magical experiences when performer and audience are all in the moment together. Personally, I find this rarely happens inside the concert hall, where technical perfection and grounded interpretation are the goals. This performance had these, to be sure. But it transcended them.

I thought of this–an artist being in his flow state–when I was asked by clients in a workshop last week about the “problem” of over-preparation and sounding “canned.” This is a question I have gotten a lot (I first blogged about it ten years ago!). The truth is, the problem isn’t spending too much time preparing. It’s how mindfully you spend that time. If you memorize something with the goal of getting all the words in your head so you can go on autopilot when you speak–then yes, that is bad. But if you know your material so well that you are actually embodying it, living inside of it, and sharing that experience with your audience, magic can happen.

Like the gifted performer, a speaker absolutely needs to be prepared. The goal is to know your content so well you can share it with freshness and immediacy. Only then will you connect with your audience in a new, magical, memorable way. Like the first breezes that bring a hint of spring.

Hurry up and . . . what?

Pennelllville, Maine

I was in Maine late last month, just in time for a big snowfall. I had a couple of excellent crisp, quiet walks, crunching through the snow. Not all the roads were plowed, so I had to walk at a more measured pace. It got me thinking, again, about the value of slowing down.

I have also been reflecting on the recent lawsuit against OpenAI filed by the New York Times in federal court in January, as well as the big one filed in September by the Author’s Guild and Many Famous Authors. I’m still not a huge fan of this technology, for reasons enumerated here. But even if I weren’t a writer, I wonder if I’d jump on the bandwagon.

Because I am not at all sure what the point is. I am told AI will help us beat the clock by accomplishing in ten minutes what it now takes hours to do. But then I wonder: will we make good use of all that extra time? If we work for others, surely our workload will increase accordingly. If we work for ourselves, what will we lose by speeding it all up?

I have some tedious tasks to do (bookkeeping, bill-paying) and I’m thankful for my technological helpers. But to race through everything else? To outsource your thinking? To trust even your first steps, bullet points and rough drafts—which are often where the real drilling down happens—to an intelligence that is not only external, but so very “other”? We already have formulas for creating television scripts, screenplays, popular songs. I give my clients templates for writing speeches. These aids are fine. They help with getting started. Then it’s up to us to fill in the meaning.

Of course that takes time. But what is so awful about that? Does doing it faster always mean it is better? The people I know who embrace AI seem enthralled by the novelty. But they can’t assure me that speed equals quality. When I ask what they are doing with all their extra time, they are either checking for hallucinations, or moving onto more work. They are still engaged in labor.

I’m all for labor-saving devices: ask my family how grumpy I was over Christmas when our washing machine broke. But when it comes to thinking—reflection, rumination—Ideas unfold and develop over time. The labor of thinking cannot be rushed. This is what our amazing human brains have evolved to do. And we should celebrate every time we use them, even for the slog of getting those first thoughts on the paper or on the screen. No other species can do that. We should slow down and savor our exceptionalism!

Keeping my balance

Brower Park, Crown Heights, Brooklyn

Last week it was cold and snowy here in NYC. And while many of us were glad to see snow for the first time in almost two years, we did have to re-learn how to navigate slippery sidewalks and streets. When I went on errands and to appointments, I was mindful of shortening my usual stride and slowing down. Every step became an opportunity for balance.

Interestingly, that was how I thought I’d improve my 2024 (I don’t call it a “resolution” because then it’s doomed!): I promised myself I would seek greater balance in my life. I’m sure I’m not alone when I say “I’ve got a lot going on this year!” For me it’s growing the client roster for my public speaking coaching practice, helping produce a colleague’s new play with Pipeline Playwrights, and doing rewrites for a world premiere of my latest play being produced in Dallas in May. Along with volunteer and family activities! Not to mention just living in a world where events near and far can threaten to tip even the most equanimous of us into an abyss of despair. So I need to find mental balance.

And as I grow older, I am also aware of the need to strengthen my physical balance, as last week’s somewhat precarious walking reminded me. I have been working on that in my yoga practice, and am lucky to have a son who is a personal fitness trainer. He offers tips when I ask. I also have new boots with a good tread!

And when I stumbled and fell on 7th Avenue in Brooklyn the other day, I made a “note to self” of another attribute I need this year - flexibility. Not succumbing to rigidity enables me to “fall right” — and also think more clearly.

Our bodies and our minds are integrated. Neither functions alone. As those of you who have worked with me know, the breath that vibrates your vocal folds, enabling you to speak, is the same breath that calms you down and gets you out of your nervous zone (stretch/whooshes, anyone?). So when you stumble, or otherwise experience a physical wake-up call, you may also find a clue to a mental practice that’s important to cultivate.

I wish you a 2024 in which you find balance and stay flexible. Physically and mentally. Watch your step. And don’t forget to breathe!

Make a statement

Outburst by Judit Reigl, Neue Nationalgalerie, Berlin

Speaking is not the same as talking. Sure, the basic moving parts are the same, but we engage them in different ways. In conversation, most Americans use a teensy part of their vocal ranges. If you listen to people talking to each other (some might call this eavesdropping), you’ll notice their voices mostly stay around the same three pitches, unless they are trained actors or singers. There are exceptions, or course, but studies have shown that most of us (unless under emotional pressure), stay within our narrow pitch range.

We also shy away from making declarative statements. This may have to do with the fact that we view the conversation as always evolving, as one conversation partner adds to what the other is saying. Or it may be because we fear saying anything definitive, as that might be perceived as conversation-ending. I have observed this varies according to gender, generation, and region — not only where the speaker learned to talk, but where they are now. I am sure there are studies on this, too.

There are many reasons why you talk to your friends in a series of monotone sentence fragments that never have an endpoint. But when you are a speaker, you pretty much have to do the opposite.

Work on your vocal variety to keep your audience engaged. Using more pitches in your natural voice colors your words in a way that expresses your intention. And don’t shy away from making a statement; if you wrote a period, say it! Engaging in “uptalk,” or “upspeak” (when you don’t use a downward inflection at the end of your sentence) leaves the listener wondering if you believe what you’re saying. When I point out to clients that they sound tentative unless they really end their sentences with a definite period, they assure me they 1000% mean what they say. But if I record them and play that back, well…

It can be hard to break the habit of casual “talking”. But you need to if you want to step up your professional speaking game and bring your leadership presence with you wherever you go. It’s far less cumbersome than putting lifts in your shoes or making sure your power wardrobe is back from the cleaners. Even if you lose your luggage, you’ll be recognized as a leader because you sound like one!

Snapshots from the past

Alexanderplatz, Berlin

I recently returned from a trip to Germany and France, where my husband and I saw many sights, walked many miles, and ate a lot of deliciousness! We visited friends old and new, as well as our daughter, who has recently relocated to Berlin. It was a very active 12 days. No relaxation here! But my mind was engaged on a different plane than usual, so it afforded me a mental getaway.

I grew up hearing about “the Iron Curtain” on a regular basis, so we had to see some East Berlin sights. We walked to Checkpoint Charlie, the Brandenburg Gate, and visited the DDR Museum, billed as “the largest, most interactive and diverse exhibition focusing on the GDR in Berlin.” In a not-quite-large-enough space (was that the point? to make us feel cramped and penned in?) there were many intriguing artifacts, as well as a re-creation of a kitchy East Berlin flat, complete with manual typewriter (which younger people took great delight in).

We walked to the museum after taking the U-Bahn (highly recommend it!) to Alexanderplatz, site of the largest demonstration critical of Soviet rule. This mass gathering on November 4, 1989 was organized by activists and artists—writers, actors directors—who understood the galvanizing power of a few good speeches. Five days later, the Berlin Wall fell.

Words can lead to great change, even regime change! Which is why freedom of expression has been recognized as a human right in the Universal Declaration of Human Rights by the United Nations. And is enshrined in the First Amendment to the U.S. constitution.

Yet we need to be vigilant, and guard against devious exploitation of this freedom. Because today there are speakers, silver-tongued or fire-breathing, who lead the vulnerable and gullible down dangerous paths to personal and communal ruin. So we must be constantly engaged in the essential, unsexy part of communication—critical listening. Critical, as in: thinking, analyzing, synthesizing.

Ben Franklin said that here in America, we have created for ourselves “a republic, if you can keep it.” It’s a challenge we’re continually living into. But there’s a big world out there—with plenty of lessons to learn from.

Learning from Barbie

Photo courtesy of Flickr, https://www.flickr.com/photos/romitagirl67

Hope you had a good summer! I spent most of August working, but fun working— writing Act II of a newly commissioned play. (More on that later.) I did manage to enjoy a few summertime activities, though, including seeing the summer blockbuster movies. The pervasiveness of all things Barbie brought back so many memories!  When I was young, I had her Dreamhouse, her car, I even had her books. One of them, Barbie Goes to a Party, I read, reread, and re-reread. It’s vintage, but you can still buy it!

There is a very simple plot: Barbie dresses for a party. But much suspense: what will Barbie wear? So many options! Because Barbie is all about her clothes. But she also has a keen desire to wear what’s most appropriate to the occasion. As she muses about exactly what kind of party she’s going to, she changes outfits. Many, many times. In the end, she learns she’s invited to a picnic, so she chooses rolled-up jeans and a white Oxford shirt—as do all the other “casual” Barbies and Midges.

It’s an article of faith In BarbieWorld—at least in this particular book—that you never wear anything not quite “right.” If you did, not only would you not fit in, but you might not be able to have fun. Who could enjoy a picnic in a ballgown and heels? Barbie was always Barbie, though - no matter what she wore.

This book came to mind recently while discussing “authenticity” with a client. Because often clients struggle, thinking they need to pin down one perfect expression of Self. That’s as likely as Barbie’s closet holding only one outfit - a single ensemble to suit myriad occasions. As Walt Whitman said, we all “contain multitudes.” We adjust our attitudes to various situations the way Barbie adjusts her wardrobe. That doesn’t make us less authentic. It makes us more flexible. I tell my clients to think of it as “stepping into your leadership shoes” or “wearing your mentoring hat.” The trick is freeing yourself from rigid definitions of “authentic self.” Head-of-the-Boardroom-Table You is not the same as Behind-the-Podium You, or Interview You, or Cocktail-Reception You. it is definitely not Picnic You.

If changing your outfit helps you make these transitions, go for it! But know that a mental shift, like doffing one imaginary hat and putting on another, can help. too!

As likely as a cat enjoying a novel

Driving home from visiting family in Ohio over July 4th, I happened to catch a reprise of a March interview with Dina Nayeri, whose latest book Who Gets Believed needs to be on my reading list. This particular book deals with people undergoing high-stakes questioning whose believability is questioned by authorities. The author concludes we cannot possibly judge the behavior of others we don’t know well: “People behave differently based on their fears, their traumas, their shame, the culture they're from.” The interview also touched on “cues” sent by neurodivergent people who don’t follow the dominant codes of social interaction, but who may actually be just as engaged or interested. This radio segment gave me much food for thought.

We are conditioned by popular culture and wishful thinking to think we can “read” people. Because wouldn’t life be grand if we could! But anyone who has ever been married, or is/has a parent, child, or friend, knows how hard it is to always accurately “read” even those nearest and dearest to you!

This myth that “reading your audience” is an essential skill for a successful speaker is one I hear time and again. I have to explain to just about every new client of mine why this is a fool’s errand. And why those who suggest you need to do this may not know much of anything about public speaking, but do watch a lot of crime drama.

I have blogged about this many times, going all the way back to March 2014 here, March 2015 here, and January 2018 here. I am not sure there is much more to say. Except that I'd be happy to share other speaking strategies with you that will actually help you meet your speaking goals.

Happy Summer!

The right tools for the job

Have you ever been coached on how to give a speech, or improve your leadership communication style by someone who tells you “just breathe” and “use that nervousness”? Or been told that to ascend the career ladder, you need to gain some gravitas and/or embrace your executive presence? This is all good advice. But it also tells you what to do without telling you how to do it. Which can lead to confusion, or worse—feelings of inadequacy—when you realize you don’t exactly know how to do something that sounds so simple when someone else says it.

Fortunately, there are those of us who have taken a deeper look at the processes involved in implementing that good advice. We can help you understand what is happening physiologically when you speak—or in some cases, just think about speaking. What happens to your body and mind when you walk into a room and all eyes turn to you, expectantly. Why your voice shakes, your words come faster, your thinking gets fuzzy…. all that good stuff! And we can give you tools to fix these problems, not just put bandaids on them for the time being. We teach you which tools can best serve you in a given situation, then show you how they work and how to fix them when they get dull or otherwise damaged.

Some of my readers know that earlier in my life I toured the country performing a one-woman show I wrote based on the life of Charlotte Perkins Gilman. After performances I’d often have discussions with the audience about Gilman, the play, and occasionally what it was like to tour a solo performer piece. One question I got a lot was “How can you remember all those lines?” And I’d go for the laugh: “How do you know I do?”

All joking aside, I only had myself to rely on. So I needed to develop a completely reliable technique which involved not only deeply connecting to the inner life of the character, but also having the physical and mental stamina, flexibility, and expressiveness to share that life onstage. Everywhere. Every time.

The truth is the process of memorization is integral to what an actor does. There are many things actors do that seem difficult—maybe even magical—to non-actors. But they are the result of training, of learning why you do what you do and how to do it. And practicing every chance you get.

If you want to become a dynamic, compelling speaker or to look/sound more like a leader, I have good news: You can accomplish this by learning to use just a few of the tools actors must master. The better news is that I can help you put together your own unique toolbox. And teach you to use these tools wisely. So you’ll know how.

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Of creativity and chatbots

I’ve been thinking a lot about AI lately. As a member of Dramatists Guild, I support members of The Writers Guild of America who are striking for fair wages and the assurance that their jobs will not be outsourced to artificial intelligence. Like many content-makers, I was at first intrigued by the idea of ChatGPT. As a playwright who feels like writing a first draft is a long slog, I thought maybe it could be a useful tool for me. As a speaking coach, I wondered if it could help my clients craft speeches and presentations.

But when I did some research into what was needed to make this a viable tool, it became clear that this was a classic “garbage in, garbage out” situation. As I understand it, to get a good ChatGPT result, you have to ask the right questions. If you are looking for a first draft of a speech, for example, you have to frame your specifics (audience, occasion, scope). If I’m asking for a draft of a scene for my play, I have to give clear parameters as to character, setting, plot, etc. to come up with anything of value. And then there is the question of training it to strike the right tone and write in your voice.

If I’m going to all that effort, I’m already a good way down the road to my second draft. Those crucial first decisions are the hardest. Once those are made, I have a clear map to follow. So - do I really need the chatbot’s help? If I were pressed for time and there were no expectations of additional creativity, I suppose I’d take it.

I can understand the allure of using the the newest, smartest tools available. But those of us engaged in the fundamentally human act of storytelling are practicing an ancient art, a “tale as old as time.” I’m not closing the door to chatbots. I may incorporate them in the future—when I can trust the info they give us, But it will be a long time before they will create stories or speeches that are as spell-binding as the ones we — you —already can create. If you’re not sure where to start, give me a call. We’ll generate distinctively human, effective content. And have some fun!

Picking up on pace

I had the unique experience last week of watching a public Zoom reading of my latest play, Saltwater Farm. It’s a feeling not unlike waving goodbye to your kids when you drop them off at college: you’ve done your best, now let’s see how they develop under others’ influence. Your power to make big change is limited, but you can observe and offer adjustments. And one observation I offered to the director was that some of the actors were falling into the very human trap of picking up on each other’s pacing while speaking. As a playwright I try hard to give each character their own rhythm, as a tool to create individual voices. But actors are extremely empathetic people, so I am always passing a note to the director to ask actors to “keep the pace up” or “take your time here”— depending on what the character and situation calls for. Because there is nothing more boring that a scene where everyone is speaking in the same rhythm, whether it is collectively fast or slow.

By contrast, when we want to establish rapport in real-life conversation, verbal mirroring is actually a very effective tool. It has been studied a lot over the years. I blogged about this ‘way back in October 2015. This mirroring is something we often do instinctively or subconsciously. And though it can offer a shortcut for establishing connection, it isn’t always a good thing: I have noted lately clients on group calls pick up on the most annoying vocal tics of whoever is “you know”-ing or “so”-ing the loudest. Be sure you’re aware of that; you really to need to fight against giving into the impulse!

The Communication Accommodation Theory I cited back in 2015 breaks this concept of adapting to our conversation partners into two strategies: convergence and divergence. Convergence is connecting through mirroring, using similar tone, pace, and vocabulary. I call it “speaking the same language.” It is an effective, quick way to engage people. And it leads to better understanding. Divergence is about the differences in word usage and rhythm, the disconnection that some may use to reinforce hierarchy, or establish perceived superiority. It is usually not a helpful tool as it often leads to conflict. But very useful for playwrights!

I still stand by my previous advice to avoid overuse of mirroring. You need to find your own voice and use it. But if you differ too much in your speaking you risk not being understood. So don’t go overboard. Unless you’re intentionally taking a conversational path to drama!

Photo: Top, left to right: Stephen Strosnider, Irenka Jakubiak, Joanna Parson
Bottom, left to right: Erica Logsdon, Jackie Maruschak reading “Saltwater Farm” on Zoom

The art of measurement

I have been seeing ads for AI tools that are marketed as "public speaking coaches." Intrigued, I click to see what these programs do. Do they offer advice for more fluidity, better vocal variety, use of tone and pitch? Colorful vocabulary? Better visuals in your slide deck? No. They count: the number of "ums" and other filler words; your speaking speed; your volume level. "Giving you data so you can ace your next pitch." 

Collecting data this way may be helpful, but as a Communications Artist I know that terrific public speaking and great professional communication is more art than science. Not to say science has nothing to do with it! Any current or former client of mine will tell you we talk a lot about anatomy and the physics of sound.

Since I always meet my clients where they are, I give rubrics to clients who feel the need to score their progress. And I also have assessment tools to share with clients' colleagues to record their improving communication.

But by far the most important yardstick you have, I tell my clients, is your own evaluation. My most frequent question to them after any exercise, meeting, or speech event is "how did you feel?" Because, let's face it, you can hit a presentation or pitch out of the ballpark, but if your meeting partners don't have the budget for it, or the timeline doesn't work, or….or…. You can't measure speaking "success" by whether you get exactly what you want at that particular moment. There are so many factors beyond your control. You have to focus on what you can do, which is present a clear message with confidence. With authentic presence.

This of course requires self-knowledge and trust in yourself. And in the process. My process is to share with clients tools that will help each of them. In all the years I have been doing this work, I have found many common problems and "pain points" when it comes to public speaking. And so I have developed trainings to address these. But I also know that our brains do not all work the same way, that we do not all bring the same lived experience into the room, and that we all have different goals and aspirations. So I offer best practices and exercises (based on speaking as a physical activity) that I learned in my actor training — and that apply to everyone.

But to really embrace an authentic presence and wear it comfortably, my clients need to do a fair amount of internal work. I have had a few who drop off at the point when they realize they can't "chart their way" to progress. I don't bring external measurement tools, so I can't give them a score. The toolkit I share is one I give to them — to use as much or as little as they wish. So that they can grow into their own success.

Tell the story

I have been hearing a lot of bullet points in speeches lately. Not as quick lists thrown in to support a main point. These bullets are used in lieu of main points. And they are often very long sentences, sometimes paragraphs. Then those are not really bullet points, you say. Exactly. But far too many speakers deliver them like they are. 

I don't know if this is pandemic-related, or due to an ever-shrinking attention span, or because offices and organizations are trying "new and improved" communications models that emphasize clarity, brevity, making your point. All of which are worthy goals. But this rattling off everything like bullet points has got to stop! 

Speech communication is different from written communication. If you are in a room, or on a video platform talking to people, and you turn a speech into a listicle, I can assure you any points you score for brevity will be offset by audience disengagement.

Whenever you are given the opportunity to speak, you need to ask why you are doing that, as opposed to sending in a report. A report is faster to read that a speech is to listen to. It does not require audience attendance. It is a much more efficient way of delivering information, when you think about it. But the value of having you speak is that you are not just imparting facts and figures! You are the expert who has digested the information, sorted what is important and urgent, and gathered it all into a package that we can understand.

And what does that really mean? You are telling us a story. You have an introduction, main points, and a conclusion. Beginning-middle-end. Classic narrative arc. You can be brief and clear in this framework, But you need to take your bullet points and incorporate them into the story you are telling. This means slowing down and adding more variety in your rhythm.  End your sentences definitively, with a downward inflection, instead of the upending that signals you *may* be done with this item on your list and are moving onto the next.

Bullet points may convey information, but they lack stickiness. Stories are used in all cultures as tools for connecting. Which model would serve your communication better?

Try something new!

Waikiki Beach, Honolulu, from Lē'ahi, known as Diamond Head.

Happy 2023!

Did you miss me? Sorry to have been gone so long. But I am guessing that, after late November, I wasn't the only one who became immersed in seasonal holiday/end of year activities. I did have a brief respite, though, for one week in December when I accompanied my husband to Hawaii for a conference. He was in meetings all day so we didn't get out of Honolulu, but I had lots Waikiki Beach time (great place to catch up on reading research for an upcoming project)!

We did hike to and from Diamond Head State Monument, and took the Summit Trail all the way to the top! Logged 11 miles that day and 61 flights of stairs (!), which is a bit more than I do on my average day here in NYC. It was fun walking from one end of the beach to the other, and up, up, up through the neighborhoods to get there. The trail itself is steep but, since it was constructed by the Army Corps of Engineers - complete with safety handrail! -  it's pretty well maintained. The hiker-friendly conditions were a far cry from the mountains we clambered up in Greece last May. Or the last tropical volcanic mountain I climbed. 

Anytime I climb heights like this I have thoughts about the benefits of such activity, aside from the obvious cardio-related ones: the fun and intrigue of changing perspective; the imperative of being in the moment; the clarity that comes from moving toward an obvious, defined goal — and the satisfaction of reaching that goal. Such very simple lessons to always remember when embarking on any challenge, not just physical ones. I have been trying to set myself mini-challenges to simulate a bit of these experiences: walking to the second-closest subway station; taking a new route to a familiar place; choosing the stairs whenever there is an option.

Resolutions don't have to be big. Even changing small habits — like walking home on the other side of the street — can help you see and experience your world in a new way. The physical shift in perspective unlocks new understanding. If you're resolving to, say, overcome your fear of public speaking, or brush up your executive presence, I can help you with some physical and mental shifts that lead to big change. Get in touch; I'll get back to you when I return from my walk! 

Meaning in melody

I sing in a choir surrounded by film stars! Well, that may be an overstatement, but while I was living in Virginia, my once-and-future choir at The First Presbyterian Church in the City of New York filmed the pivotal last scene of Greta Gerwig's 2018 film Lady Bird. When I saw my fellow choristers up on the big sceen I almost fell out of my seat! Now I am back singing with them. And I am envious when they talk about their quarterly residual checks. But I understand. I still get checks from Disney+ for my long ago role in Wall Street (though they keep getting smaller and smaller with time).

As a current choir member, I've been immersed in The Holidays for a few weeks now, since I have a mountain of music to learn for upcoming concerts and services to celebrate Advent and Christmas. Even as I try in every other aspect of my life not to be one of "those people" who rushes into Xmas before the turkey is defrosted.

But music has also been on my mind lately as I've been working with clients who want me to help them sound more conversational when they speak in public, whether in meetings, presentations, or in promotional videos. In my practice this issue comes up a lot, and of course I have thoughts! Melody is key. And I blogged about incorporating tonal variation in speech most recently in May 2021.

So, as you become inundated by holiday music in the next weeks, think about how to put more melody in your message. As the song says:

Soon the bells will start.
And the thing that'll make 'em ring
Is the carol that you sing
Right within your heart!

Keep those questions coming!

I delivered a workshop to graduate students on one of my favorite campuses this past Sunday morning. It was a perfect early fall day. Since my participants were giving up part of their weekend, I knew they would be eager to learn as much as they could in our short time together!

Their concerns ranged from the general ("how can I feel less nervous/more in control when I speak?") to the specific ("what three steps can I use to build a good and clear question when I attend a roundtable or other speaking event?"). I spent most of my time addressing their common concerns about nerves, focus, and control. To the student who asked how to frame a question, I regretted that I couldn't give him three sure-fire steps that worked universally, as these would doubtless be specific to the occasion.

But on the train ride back to New York, this question bounced around in my head. And I have come up with three general steps to make sure you ask a good question every time you attend a speech event or panel with built-in Q & A time:
1) Before you go, ask yourself why you are going. What do you want/need to hear from this expert? What advice/enlightenment do you expect to glean? Is there anything specific they can help you with?
2) At the event, take notes. Not only does this help you stay engaged as an active listener, you will likely find that you have circled, underlined, or otherwise identified the very point that needs clarification, follow-up, etc.
3) When your opportunity to speak approaches, you need to breathe and stay centered. So you can ask the question you intend to ask effectively, maintaining clarity and focus after to actually hear the answer. (This would have given me the perfect way to circle back to the instruction and exercises I had already delivered: how to speak with authentic presence! )

I love working with students and clients who aren't afraid to ask me questions that might seem outside the scope of our session. It makes me think. And I would wager I'm not alone. So - whether you can feel more comfortable with my three steps, or have your own method for how to frame a query, keep asking!

Seems like old times!

The view from a favorite spot in Maine for long conversations with old friends!

Since I last wrote this newsletter I have had two very nice extended weekend visits with old — I mean, long-time — friends. Of course we've been Zooming, but it is so much better to spend time in person. We picked up right where we left off the last time we were together (in one instance it had been four years). I am sure many of you had similar reunions this summer. They were gratifying connectional experiences. The very best of private communication.

I have been thinking about why that is, and this is where I have landed: We share a language, forged over time and space, shared experiences and shared eras. Context isn't everything in communication. But it comes pretty darn close. And because we are all "of a certain age," we grew up with a common vernacular, even if we spent our formative years in different regions of the country. We all have young adult children, so we must also stay on our toes, linguistically-speaking, to understand them.

None of this is news, of course. But it highlights the reason we might not always experience this ease of communication in our professional lives. Because words derive their meaning from context, they change from season to season and from place to place. Merriam-Webster recently added 370 new words to their dictionary. Some of them (i.e., "supply chain") are surprising because you assume they would already be in the dictionary. Others I have never heard of, like "pwn," come from a world (gaming) completely foreign to me. When you start doing a dive into word meanings and origins, you may find yourself in a wonderful (as in filled with wonders, the meaning Shakespeare uses) new world.

Words are symbols for thoughts, and as our lives flow on, we are presented with situations where we see and think in new ways. Then we need to add words or shift the sense of existing words. So if you consider something an ironclad "term of art" in your industry because a thought leader coined it a decade ago, or because your professional association uses it frequently in their newsletter, it's best to keep an open mind. And open ears. Today's context may be becoming outdated even as you read this. Whether you approve or not, language is like a river, ever flowing, ever changing. Best to keep swimming!  

When your playing field's a stage

Left to right: Sally Imbriano, Lenny Mendez, Rebecca Kiser, Nicole Ruthmarie in Patricia Connelly's "Heartand," directed by Catherine Tripp

Earlier this summer I put on my Producer hat to shepherd Patricia Connelly's new play Heartland to production for Pipeline Playwrights. I have been a fan of this play since well before the pandemic, so I was thrilled to see it fully realized, not just onstage, but (after our videographer worked her editing magic) available on screen as video-on-demand. Hundreds of people had a chance to experience the story Pat shared, brought to life by our talented director, cast, and creative team.

The concept of "Teamwork" is so ubiquitous it has almost become meaningless. But as I sat in the back of the theatre, the reality behind that concept hit me like a Mack truck. Magic unfolded before my eyes. Magic that was only possible because everyone worked together. I am not a "sports" person, but I still believe in teams!

There is a unique satisfaction in watching a show you nurtured reach its successful opening night. Even if you've seen how the sausage is made. Maybe especially if you've seen it: the bumps along the way, missteps that make you realize your team is
made up of mere mortals. Who try things that don't work, try again, get a bit closer, then land on just the right way to convey the original vision. Or who kickstart a process for adapting that vision to accommodate realities of budgets, timelines, humanness. Everyone recalibrates a bit, makes a few tweaks, or course corrects, and voilà! We have a show!

I often liken the day-to-day reality of my consulting career to the one-woman show I toured around the country for 16 years. That experience gave me the technique I share with clients who want to speak with authentic presence. But when it comes to coaching them on communicating with others to reach a desired goal? My mind is back in the theatre, wearing my Producer hat, assessing how we can get there as a team.

Speaking of democracy . . .

Tholos, the Agora, Athens, called the "heart of Athenian Democracy.”

The January 6th hearings have been riveting television, but I am mostly listening to them on the radio. Some speakers are less than compelling, so I turn them off and catch video highlights later. But Cassidy Hutchinson was mesmerizing for her entire testimony last month! It wasn't just what she said, it was how she said it. Measured, poised, yet fully conscious of the gravity of her message. And urgently aware of the need to share her story. She exhibited immense courage. And vulnerability.

Her account was regarded as "explosive. " And it was. It was also active. She wasn't just reciting details to the committee, rattling off bullet points as some do when stressed and under scrutiny. I could hear in her voice (and have since seen on video), that she was reliving the moments she was sharing, even as she was sharing them. Of course she exerted enviable control, never becoming fully re-immersed in any moment, nor "editorializing" with her verbals and non-verbals. She was, as we say of actors working with a solid script, trusting the text.

She was actively showing us what transpired on that awful day. She painted such a vivd picture we could actually see the ketchup dripping down that wall, the broken china below. That act of speaking, of speaking up, speaking out, speaking truth to power, is essential to democracy. As my recent visit to Athens — where every night 17 citizen Senators slept at the Tholos, ensuring the people's safety — reminded me, "eternal vigilance is the price of liberty."

Upward

Agia Sophia, Monemvasia, Greece

I returned last week from a glorious holiday in Greece! My husband and I planned our vacation to explore the vast history of that corner of the world (and relax when we were had satisfied that craving). It was the perfect Covid-era vacation because the places we visited were all outside. And even though it was hot, it was a breezy-to-windy, and dry.

We saw the Acropolis, of course, and a total of four ancient theatres (three Greek, one Roman). We hiked up to three castle sites (in Nafplio, Monemvasia, and Plaka), walking up paths that date back to the Bronze Age.

Our favorite was the castle town of Monemvasia. We spent a wonderful day there meandering through the stone streets of the Lower Town, ascending through the Upper Town, then hiking up winding, steep, rock-strewn paths to get closer to the ruins of the old fortress, all the way up. It was not an easy climb. But every so often we'd stop, take a water break, and marvel at the view of the town and the blue Myrtoan Sea below.

And then we'd start back up. Eventually we reached the end of the path. The tip top of the rock was further on; we'd have had to blaze our own trail to reach it—which did not seem wise given the impending sunset. We were rewarded with stunning views of the sea and the storied Byzantine/Venetian church, Agia Sophia.

I love hiking up new paths. The metaphors come so easily then. It's just like any task: put one foot in front of the other, and soon you have reached your goal. Of course, when climbing up paths that are made of irregular stones hundreds of years old (including slippery marble!), you need to observe, assess, and think about each step. Which is also like life. If you break down any task, from preparing a speech (as my current clients are doing), to producing a play (as I am doing), and take each step thoughtfully, you'll get there.

Savor the process. And when you reach your goal you'll be able to enjoy the view!